In discussions with clients, a frequent topic is the wish for partners to change their behavior to improve the relationship.
The Perils of Trying to Modify Your Partner
Requesting that someone alter their core self or adjust their comfort zone to satisfy you means asking them to abandon their genuine identity and adopt a version that aligns with your preferences.
Such a request suggests that their current self is not enough and that they must transform into someone else to be deemed worthy of your love.
You might believe your request is reasonable, thinking, “What I’m asking will lead to improvement. Why wouldn’t they want to grow?”
You might want them to adopt healthier habits, be more considerate, drink less, spend more time with the family, help more with household duties, or engage in activities you enjoy, even if they dislike them.
The Impact of Successfully Changing Your Partner
If your partner agrees to make changes to please you, they must reconstruct themselves to meet your expectations. This can result in a great deal of frustration and resentment.
They might feel disillusioned, wondering, “I made these changes for you, and you’re still not happy. What more do you want from me?”
It’s crucial to recognize that people are who they are because that’s their choice. You might not understand their preferences—whether it’s indulging in unhealthy foods, skipping workouts, spending excessive time on video games, or avoiding family gatherings—but your lack of understanding is not a valid reason to demand they change.
True Change Comes from Within
Forcing someone to alter their behavior is unlikely to result in a lasting change and may lead to resentment and eventual relationship problems.
In a relationship, it’s important to love and accept your partner for who they truly are. If their habits, personality, or values don’t align with yours, it might be better to let them find someone who appreciates them as they are.
Don’t impose your own needs on them as if there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Accept people for who they show themselves to be. If you feel a strong urge to change your partner to fit your needs, it might be an indication that you’re not compatible. Seek a partner whose qualities naturally align with your own.
You can’t transform a square peg into a round one by simply forcing it into the hole. Appreciate people for their true selves, and if you’re unable to do so, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Order a relationship reading by clicking here.
